but i still do have that one more fucking shot.

i've been battling with a serious problem for 2 years as of now (no afaik i'm not sick nor gonna die) which came to an extent where it's almost blocking me to the full, rendering me pretty much useless other than the shit that i have to do anyways like the school and the whatnut. the problem is some-fucking-what related with my psychological aspects (no you fat fuck i don't have schizophrenia nor disassociative neither).

unfortunately this problem, though psychological, has its roots on the real world events and with a rational basis and for that matter it's very comparable to the condition of an imaginary situation where a person discovers his ability to fly on the very day he got a 10 years sentence.

things could have been very different. well anything could be different for anybody and everyday a lot of dices are rolled for each of us, some we are aware and some we're not.

however, only few could witness such fuckin big chance of a lifetime to come and appear and then slip away only by a matter of a second (second, moment, word you name it).

so such stuff brings you to a level of understanding where you can clearly see your gifts, talents are irrelevant. we people, who are putting one word, line, photo, note on another to think and tell about how we can make this planet better, sometimes feel overpowered. sometimes we think we can do any shit we want and still be alright. and it's somehow true, if you can do something hella good, ass-kicking good, fuckin fire flames on the ass good yeh you won't fall down.

but if you missed it, you missed it alright.

don't be an idiot. some shit happens in life and you keep looking for the "undo" button but this ain't no photoshop.

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update:

there was one more thing i wanted to say. it's getting harder and harder to relate this place with any aspect of "art" every passing day. people who did some cool stuff are nowhere to be found (they left), and there's very serious inactivity at the "hardcore" sections of photography and other sections.

no moderation, no regulation, a system who appreciates people only for their ability to be noticed (there have been several daily deviations which simply, can be the bottom line of art but hangs there all day because some ' guy poppped them there for some reason) leaving very little reason for people to stay here and most people are here simply because of monopolistic condition of this site -- ah and the forced inability to wipe all of their deviations at once.